Beyond Death

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Today is my Grandmother’s birthday.

I have never met her because she died before my mother had me, but through my mother her spirit has lived on and touched me in many ways. She is the epitome of living beyond Earth.

I am a part of her, facilitated by the spirit of God. When we lose someone, we never really lose them. My mother has taught me that; she has proved that through the communicating of stories and people. And I think now, so this is how our ancestors passed their wisdom beyond their years on Earth.

Death is an entity I have not fully dealt with, and just like a lot of other people, I possess fear towards it. But through the examples of my grandmother, I have realized that death is only essentially losing ones body. Not the soul. Not the impact they created. Not the love they shared.

I love my grandmother, and people could wonder how could you love a woman you never met? I love her because she created and made my mother the person she is. I love her because she also indirectly made me. She is a woman I take claim of, she is my grandmother and I know she is proud of me and especially my mother.

Souls. Spirits. Entities. Feelings. They are all around us and I believe in them. I believe we all have them and that one day they will surpass us.

I love you Grandma.

Happy Birthday.

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Lets Just Mess It Up

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Today I had a productive day. I found some books, I had great classes, and I enjoyed my friends. I also learned a simple lesson.

My professor, who has a brilliancy about her spirit, said in class today: “Lets Just Mess It Up”

Those five words, appear to be meaningless. But to me they are exactly what I need to hear. Especially, as a young college student. Yesterday I was talking to someone and they said to me that they were getting old. After I laughed at the statement because they are young, I realized I even forget how old I actually am. And now reflecting on the situation, I would have agreed with them. We are all getting old. Time is running out.

Lets Just Mess It Up.

Live life. Be free. Explore the possibilities. Life is short. How many times do people have to tell me this in order for me to get it? My mother is right, I have a “Hard head”. Even now as I am writing this, I still do not believe that I fully understand the concept of living life now. But I am starting to, and that is all that matters.

Life is happening right now and honestly it is a little terrifying that I may not be able to do everything that I want to do.

I was reading a beautifully written piece by Reva Santo (a fellow student) on her photography/writing blog called Honey and Smoke. She spoke about how life is now and how  the next moment is not guaranteed. Reva mentioned the fear that placed in her, and I have a similar feeling. Reading her words captivated me because not only were they beautifully crafted, they were painstakingly true.

Lets Just Mess It Up.

Five words from a professor told me that I need to continue living a rich “lived experience”. Two words that she also mentioned in class. A lived experience that would allow me to explore life.

Lets Just Mess It Up.

Those words used to have a negative connotation to me, but when my professor said them with a smile, it became positive. She personified those words and allowed them to become tangible and palpable in the room. I could not ignore those words. Her presence gave the words a presence and I had to ponder on them.

A woman who has a brilliancy about her spirit, said five words and they simply made me think:

I have to start

messing things up.

Here is a link to Reva’s blog: http://honeyandsmoke.com (copy and paste it)

Idolize

Below is a poem I wrote for black women and women in general. Enjoy!

Idolize

Idolize. Idolize her. Put her in a picture frame in your house. Place her on pedestal that we all long to reach. Show her that beauty has no standard. And that love is colorless. Tell her that everything about her is unique. Tell her that no other person can achieve her. Idolize her. Idolize her. No more roundtable discussions about Why oh Why oh Why Is she not idolized? No more table discussions about sometimes when the sun comes out she won’t go outside. No more roundtable discussions about why it sometimes hurts that she is not idolized. NO! No I am tired, I am tired of the pity. I am tired of the constant scars placed on top of her. I want her to be idolized. For once the pedestal has her on it and she is not clawing for it! I want her to be on it. I want there to be multiple pedestals. I want every single girl on a pedestal. Idolize her. For her woolly hair is not a sin. Please. Idolize her. No more roundtable discussions about what the others are doing. No more roundtable discussions about Why oh Why oh Why can we not achieve it? Idolize her. For her multitude skin should not be frowned upon. Idolize her. Idolize everyone. No longer will she be on the bottom of the shoe. No longer will she be the one pushing the weight of the world. No longer will she do that!

For I want her to be idolized. For I am her. And she is you. And we are they.

Idolize her. For centuries and even to this minute. The pity has got to stop. Idolize her. Because I am tired of talking about why she is at the

Bottom.

Why I Am Comfortable With Sitting and Waiting

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That is not me.

I Am Lazy.

Not in the I do not do work in college way. Not in the I do not want to be successful way. Not in the I sleep on the couch and eat cheetos all day way.

I am lazy in the romantic sector of life way.

I am the girl who sits and just looks at the guy she has a crush on. Seriously… To be honest I sometimes will not even look at him. Why? Its me.

I read an article about how you have to go after the things you want. Not completely right. I do not have to do anything damn thing I do not want to do. If I am comfortable sitting and doing nothing, it is my prerogative. But the only difference between me and all the other girls that sit around pining after boys is that there are no real reasons why I cannot go and get what I want.

I am a smart girl, so I never like guys that have girlfriends. I never like guys that are out of control. I never like guys that are complete assholes. I am a pretty, smart, and simple girl, so I like handsome, smart, and simple guys. It is truly that simple.

The problem is that I do not have any inclination to change the position I am in. I would rather wait for the guy that I like to come and tell me that he likes me or chill. Now some people…including this article I read, will tell me that I am so stupid because I could be letting love slip from my fingertips.

Sorry but I am totally old fashioned. I feel like the guy has to chase the girl. A girl chasing a guy is not for me. Now I am not saying that the chase has to be grand and over the top. I am simply saying that asking the girl out on a date would be nice.

So yes, I am that girl who is comfortable with sitting and waiting. The thing is, I am not always waiting for the guys I have crushes on. I am waiting for the guy who is brave enough to ask me on a date. I do not think there is anything wrong with waiting.

I am not waiting for my husband, life partner, or soulmate. I am waiting on a smart and simple guy. The guy I have a crush on is probably a great guy, I mean I would not like him if he was not. But the reality is that he could not like me, not like anyone, or is just chilling. And unlike other girls, I will not question his life choices. He has his choices, like I have my choices.

“You are letting love slip from your fingertips!” Since I am sitting and waiting, love was and is not in my fingertips.

“You have to go after what you want!” Sometimes what you want is not what you need, and that applies in many sectors of life.

What I need will come to me eventually in my life. If that happens to be my crush of the season, then it is a win win for me. But if not, I will watch my crush, while sitting and waiting for the brave one to come along. Who knows the guy behind my crush of the season could be that simple guy.

Sometimes sitting down and doing nothing is actually the best thing to do.

The Same Conversation

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Yes……you guessed it by the picture. I am going to talk about black men and white women. This is probably the 100,345th post you have seen about this discussion. Going to both a predominately white high school and college, I have this conversation a million times. So last night I put up a post about skin bleaching and I mentioned how if a man does not want to date you because you are dark skin or black that is his problem.

But seriously, it is his problem. As black women we cannot get mad at white women, unless some inappropriate words are said about black women by a white woman. Other than that we cannot get mad at white women for being with black men. Hell, do not even waste your time getting mad at the black man.

There could be plenty of reasons of why he is with a white women:

1) She was the only option

2) Circumstance means they are only white women available

3) He actually loves her

4) He only wants white women

Now reasons 1-3 are fine..I mean for me reason 4 is simply a shame. I do not get upset about it anymore because why should I get mad about a man that has obvious issues. I will never understand how someone can swear off a whole race of people. I mean I might not always say that all men are good looking, but trust I have seen fine men of all races that I would have no problem dating.

Earlier in the school year a girl said to me, “How could he not like black girls? I mean he is black!” After reassuring her that he was missing out and that she was beautiful, I thought of my favorite quote from Toni Morrison’s Song of Solomon:

“Its all over his head, Hagar. Its his hair too…How can he love himself and hate your hair?”

The context of this quote is that Hagar is a beautiful chocolate girl with insecurities about her lover who left her, Milkman. Her grandmother then tells her this quote, saying that it makes no sense for a man to hate you when he is like you.

But unfortunately, that is some men’s realities.

I just want to say to black women, do not waste your minds on trying to figure this out. I mean I am all for talking about it because sometimes to get past things we have to talk about it. But do not stress.

To the black men who have this mindset: Do you. Do what you believe because by black women getting upset, you are getting a little too much power in defining black women. I will never let a man who does not like me, define me. The same goes for a man that does like me. The day I do that, someone please slap me.

To white women: Hey enjoy your chocolate! I am sure it will be a great experience and thank you for being open minded.

To end this: Black women cannot change that they are black, so accept it and the right man will come. But for now enjoy a piece of chocolate.

Being 101 (Can we really be the exception?)

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My favorite song from Alicia Keys’s new album, Girl On Fire is the song “101.”

This strong ballad has a beautiful piano backdrop. I love songs that are gut wrenching and Alicia does it with this song. The first time I listened to the song I thought it was just a love song. When I listened again I realized the message behind the song. Alicia Keys is a woman who is in a relationship with a man who is a known womanizer and has screwed over (mentally and physically) a 100 women before her. Obviously it is not a literal number, but Alicia is saying that she could be the 101th girl that changes everything for this man.

To be simple: she could be the exception.

The exception to a man’s rule is what most women want to be. The woman that changes a man and makes him think: “I think it is time to settle down with her.” Now Alicia realizes that she is the exception because she sees his actions towards her and knows her power with this man.

The problem with this “exception idea” is that some women want to be the exception so badly that they do not realize they are the rule. Everyone just needs to watch “He’s Just Not That Into You” to understand what I am saying. I think if you are being yourself in a relationship…the man should realize you are the exception before you do. I mean if I was the guy I would want to label my girl the exception instead of having some girl I am messing with label herself the exception when she is clearly not. 

The same thing applies for women as well, there is just that one man that makes you rethink all of your ideals. Now I cannot personally tell you how that feels, because it has not happened for me. I am still pretty firm on my ideals and plans for the future relationship wise. Right now I do not even know if I want to get married, but maybe someone will make me rethink that question.

Trying to be the exception is hard work. Being the exception is easy. Remember that people.

Listen to Alicia Keys’s song “101”

Why is Bleaching so Popular?

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I just read an article that 1 in 3 South African women are bleaching their skin.

This breaks my heart immensely, especially since I am a chocolate skinned woman. Being this skin tone makes me proud. I believe my skin is beautiful and whether or not other people think that too…it is their business. 

I know that dark complexioned women are not favored in the media, but fuck the media!!! Seriously, I truly believe that women should not bleach their skin to conform to the media’s beauty standards. Being of African heritage is a beautiful thing, just like being of Asian or European heritage. 

Look, if a man does not want to be with you because your skin is too dark, he has the issue not you. As women we have to realize that every one of us are different and that not every body will not think we are attractive. I know that there are people out there that believe I am gorgeous and there are people out there that think I am unattractive, but that does not matter. I think that I am beautiful, despite the imperfections that I might complain about. 

Believing that you are beautiful is the key to not being in a shocking statistic such as 1 in 3 women in South Africa are bleaching their skin. This whole being lighter is a concept that has to die. I will start by starting with myself, I am from an African American mother and a Ghanian father. I am a beautiful dark skinned woman. I wish more dark skinned women believed this.

I really do wish I could speak to that 1 woman in that South African statistic and tell her she is beautiful and that her skin is included in that beauty. No I am not #TeamDarkSkin, I am am #TeamBlackisBeautiful. To those women who are bleaching their skin for society or men…..fuck society and men. Love yourself first and trust me the right man will come along. Because let us be truthful, society might not ever come around.

Anyway I love myself, so you should love yourself too.