The Same Conversation


Yes……you guessed it by the picture. I am going to talk about black men and white women. This is probably the 100,345th post you have seen about this discussion. Going to both a predominately white high school and college, I have this conversation a million times. So last night I put up a post about skin bleaching and I mentioned how if a man does not want to date you because you are dark skin or black that is his problem.

But seriously, it is his problem. As black women we cannot get mad at white women, unless some inappropriate words are said about black women by a white woman. Other than that we cannot get mad at white women for being with black men. Hell, do not even waste your time getting mad at the black man.

There could be plenty of reasons of why he is with a white women:

1) She was the only option

2) Circumstance means they are only white women available

3) He actually loves her

4) He only wants white women

Now reasons 1-3 are fine..I mean for me reason 4 is simply a shame. I do not get upset about it anymore because why should I get mad about a man that has obvious issues. I will never understand how someone can swear off a whole race of people. I mean I might not always say that all men are good looking, but trust I have seen fine men of all races that I would have no problem dating.

Earlier in the school year a girl said to me, “How could he not like black girls? I mean he is black!” After reassuring her that he was missing out and that she was beautiful, I thought of my favorite quote from Toni Morrison’s Song of Solomon:

“Its all over his head, Hagar. Its his hair too…How can he love himself and hate your hair?”

The context of this quote is that Hagar is a beautiful chocolate girl with insecurities about her lover who left her, Milkman. Her grandmother then tells her this quote, saying that it makes no sense for a man to hate you when he is like you.

But unfortunately, that is some men’s realities.

I just want to say to black women, do not waste your minds on trying to figure this out. I mean I am all for talking about it because sometimes to get past things we have to talk about it. But do not stress.

To the black men who have this mindset: Do you. Do what you believe because by black women getting upset, you are getting a little too much power in defining black women. I will never let a man who does not like me, define me. The same goes for a man that does like me. The day I do that, someone please slap me.

To white women: Hey enjoy your chocolate! I am sure it will be a great experience and thank you for being open minded.

To end this: Black women cannot change that they are black, so accept it and the right man will come. But for now enjoy a piece of chocolate.


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