I Simply Want Him More Because He Looks The Other Way

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I was inspired by the song “Crave You” by Flight Facilities and an article on Thought Catalog to write this post.

Boys have always been a big part of my life. But for some reason I cannot get them out of my conversations, even when they are not around me. Especially now. Everywhere I look there are crushes being formed, crushed, and reciprocated. I think it is because of college. But what I have seen the most is girls crushing on guys who have no idea they exist.

Now I am not going to act like I am above this phenomenon of crushes because I am a human and everyone has at least one crush that figuratively decapitates them. For some reason a friend told me that she thinks crushes are addicting. I asked her why and she told me, that there is never any rejection, so really everything is a fantasy.

“I simply want him more because he looks the other way”-Crave You by Flight Facilities

When she said that I figured it out.

I figured out that crushes were great past times. You spend all your time trying to get a person to like you, knowing that they will not give you want you need. Which is: 1) a relationship/sex or 2) rejection. It is the perfect purgatory because no one gets hurt. There is no awkward silences, bad dates, or sad rejections. If anything else happens the fantasy of the crush ends and one actually gets: crushed.

Boys are prone to this as well, so do not think this is a one sided situation.

Relationships are time consuming, so I think I see how crushes play their part in the dating world.

Does Valentine’s Day Suck?

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So tomorrow is Valentine’s Day.

Look, I am not going to feed you the whole “Valentine’s Day is a commercial holiday! I do not want someone to do anything for me!” Isn’t every damn holiday a commercial holiday? Why is this one so different? Oh right I remember! It sometimes reminds people that there is this thing called love and that they do not have a romantic significant other to share it with.

Here is my viewpoint on Valentine’s Day: I think it is wonderful! Any holiday that says it ok to get chocolate (something I love), flowers (pretty things), and have most objects in red (my favorite color). I am totally for that holiday.

But the reason why this one might be my lowest, is because every Valentine’s Day I had a valentine. When I was little it was my whole class. Which means I had more boys giving me valentines than most people in their lives. Take a minute to be jealous.

Along with the 39 other valentines I had as a child, I also had my mother. She was the best valentine ever!! She got me awesome things!! As I got older, my mother became my only valentine.

I was content with that, I never yearned for a guy to be my valentine because my mother was always there. So understand my surprise when my mother said she did not accept my request for her to be my valentine this year and asked me who my valentine was.

I believe she is joking, but it made me think. What will I do when my mother decides she actually does not want to be my valentine? Will I become bitter like other people I see? Or will I buy myself some chocolate?  

I do not know what I will do, but all I know is that Valentine’s Day is a cool holiday and that a box of chocolate is sufficient in my eyes. Happy Valentine’s Day!

A Vivid Dream

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We were sitting in a car.

He was reassuring me that our child would not be short. Due to my short stature, I was afraid our child would come out very, very short. Of course seeing as I just had my child I would not know if that would occur for quite some time.

We were sitting in a car.

A knock on the window alerted both of us and he motioned with his hand for me to exit the car. As I opened the door, a woman with a white outfit on smiled at me. For some peculiar reason, her smile quieted all the qualms I had about my child.

He was sitting in a car.

I walked to this room, which held the information about my newborn child. The woman with the white outfit on said to me, “Your son is beautiful and healthy. He is 7lbs and has a beautiful life ahead of him”. She also told me my son’s name, Isaiah.

He was sitting in a car.

I walked back to the car and opened the door. For a quick second, I saw worry plagued on his face. When he saw me, a smile started to spread. I told him what the woman in white told me. He was not there when I had Isaiah. He was elated because he had a son. A son is what he dreamed and here I was giving him his dream.

We were sitting in a car.

A knock interrupted the beautiful silence of two souls pondering the creation of life. It was the woman in white. “You can take your son home,” she said. He motioned with his hand for me to exit the car; he wanted me to bond with our son.

I looked at Isaiah.

Isaiah’s eyes were a pure blue and his skin was the complexion of creamed honey. Isaiah looked like him. Blue oceans were staring at me, trying to comprehend that I was the beholder of his life. Isaiah was absolutely breathtaking…that was the only difference between Isaiah and him. It took me a long time to look at him and get my breath taken away, but it only took seconds with Isaiah.

He was sitting in a car.

His eyes lit up when he saw Isaiah. The blue oceans stared at him too, trying to comprehend his existence. He was elated! A smile stayed plastered on his face, because he had been given a dream.

We were sitting in a car.

He started to drive, finding it hard to focus on the road, while looking at two humans who gave him purpose. I looked away and felt brown roots staring at me. I looked up and without him saying anything I could see the gratitude in his stare. He was thanking me for giving him life.

We were sitting in a car.

In the span of the drive, Isaiah grew. His blue oceans turned into hazel skies. His flawless creamed honey skin transformed into cinnamon swirls and pearls shone from his mouth. Isaiah was 2 now.

They exited the car.

For some reason I showed no protest when my two men left me, because I knew I would see them again. He was a simple man who created life with me. Isaiah was my seed giving me reason.

He was giving me solitude before I knew I needed it.

I went home.

I turned on the dimmed lights and lied down in bed. I was speechlessly, completely, and blissfully happy. I heard quickened footsteps. I sat up. Then I heard slow and calm footsteps… I drifted to sleep.