How Do I Write This Story?

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I want to tell a story.

 

I want to give the protagonist a beginning, middle, and an end.

 

I want them to enjoy childhood, go to school, fall in love, work, and find a passion.

 

I want them to encounter a problem.

 

Endure it.

 

Overcome it.

 

Learn from it.

 

I want there to be supporting characters that challenge, love, and nurture my protagonist.

 

I want my readers to see the human in the protagonist’s flaws.

 

I want the story to have the resolution that stories have.

 

But what if my protagonist is black?

 

How do I tell that story?

 

We are being killed before I can finish my sentences.

 

The Boy Chronicles

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During my sophomore year I started to write about some of the males in my life, just as a past time. I decided to write vignettes about them, as I could divulge information but never allow readers to guess who the men were. These males are family members, friends, strangers, and even men who do not affect my life. These vignettes have been written sporadically over the past two years.

Each week I will publish four vignettes, enjoy!

 

The Boy Chronicles: Installation #1

#1

You are a spice. Cinnamon, like your smooth skin. Easy on the eyes. You make girls swoon with your words and Latin tongue. Fire you speak, or fuego that is.

But, I have always had a preference for ice.

You are the epitome of boy giving too much. Tell this girl that, tell another one this. Stop spreading yourself too thin, baby. Be real. Never fake. Say how you feel. Do not hurt my friend.

Wait, you already did that.

When I see you disappointment is plagued on my face because I know that you can be more than what you portray. I know you can be it all. Baby, maybe I am closed off because you seem unworthy of me opening my doors.

 

#2

Down. That is where you come from. But just because you are from down does not mean you are not special. You are everything we ask for. Caring, funny, attentive, and best of all you are a great listener. You love us. And we love you.

Your persona is more than what you wear and look like. You are more than what other people see. You are the surprise we got while waiting for the main attraction. When you speak we listen. Helpful.

Is it because of this that we are not with you. None of us want to make that step. Is it possible to love someone to a point that friendship is all one can imagine? If so, we have hit that point. We love you and you love us. That is all that matters to me.

 

#3

Mister, excuse me for writing my thoughts. You told me that you wanted to hear about me so here we are. I am the wind blowing trying to make you feel the cold I felt. I am the hail trying to make you hurt the way I did. I do not know if I love you. Is that bad?

To not know if love is in my heart for you?

Do you love me? I know it’s the question that sends most of you boys running. But I want to know if you love me. Not that it would change the past, but it would show me that in words you understand what affection is. Obviously you lack that in actions.

I know that she is not better than me. That is one thing you never have to tell me. I know my ability is way more than hers, but reminding you of your lost opportunities is never bad. Mister, excuse me for not saying what you wanted to hear.

I’ll walk away now.

 

#4

Baby.

You are too special to see what you mean to us.

You are too young to see what we see when we hug you.

You are too naïve to what we are trying to prevent you from.

We love you. But we do not want that for you.

They say you look like me. That makes me happy. Yet, you are becoming him.

I love him, but you more. I know it is wrong to say that one loves another more than the other, but I do, and she does too. Don’t hide your love from her like him. Do not depend on her like he does. Do not depreciate her life, like he does.

Be better. For her. For me. For you.

The Boy Who Only Liked The Color White

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I do not know why he harbors so much hate in him. But for some reason, he says my anger is the reason he denounces me. He says my face is the reason he denounces me. He says my skin tone is the reason he denounces me. He says my brash words are reason for exile from his mind and world.  When in fact it is his anger, his face, his skin tone, his brash words that are the reasons he hates me. But like the Nazis scapegoated the Jews, he scapegoated black women. He realized that he could not escape the dark skin that he hates on himself. So he hates the dark skin that has no beginning or end on my body. Just like the system has subjected men like him to prisons, he has subjected me to his psyche’s jail cell. Where I am locked and chained because every time he sees me he is reminded that my womb created him.  But has he forgotten that the color white has stains on it too? The color white is the reason he has denounced himself.

Well lets put it out there, you only like white women. You have declared war on your mother, sister, aunt, cousin, and me. But it’s already a lost battle, because the only way you could win is if you took a nuclear bomb and bombed your poisonous mind. You are the boy who only liked the color white and you are the boy whose mind is dying. When will you realize that you will never truly love your white woman until you love yourself? When will you realize that she should not feel superior to me because she is white? When?

When are you going to realize that you denounce yourself?

She should only feel superior because she is the only one for you. You should put her on a pedestal because you love her. The only difference between her and I should be that you love her and not me. But it is not. She is white and I am black. That is why you chose her.

Dear boy who only liked the color white,

I will not let you bring me into your deadly war. Stop blaming me for what you see in the mirror. I wont have it anymore.

The Same Conversation

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Yes……you guessed it by the picture. I am going to talk about black men and white women. This is probably the 100,345th post you have seen about this discussion. Going to both a predominately white high school and college, I have this conversation a million times. So last night I put up a post about skin bleaching and I mentioned how if a man does not want to date you because you are dark skin or black that is his problem.

But seriously, it is his problem. As black women we cannot get mad at white women, unless some inappropriate words are said about black women by a white woman. Other than that we cannot get mad at white women for being with black men. Hell, do not even waste your time getting mad at the black man.

There could be plenty of reasons of why he is with a white women:

1) She was the only option

2) Circumstance means they are only white women available

3) He actually loves her

4) He only wants white women

Now reasons 1-3 are fine..I mean for me reason 4 is simply a shame. I do not get upset about it anymore because why should I get mad about a man that has obvious issues. I will never understand how someone can swear off a whole race of people. I mean I might not always say that all men are good looking, but trust I have seen fine men of all races that I would have no problem dating.

Earlier in the school year a girl said to me, “How could he not like black girls? I mean he is black!” After reassuring her that he was missing out and that she was beautiful, I thought of my favorite quote from Toni Morrison’s Song of Solomon:

“Its all over his head, Hagar. Its his hair too…How can he love himself and hate your hair?”

The context of this quote is that Hagar is a beautiful chocolate girl with insecurities about her lover who left her, Milkman. Her grandmother then tells her this quote, saying that it makes no sense for a man to hate you when he is like you.

But unfortunately, that is some men’s realities.

I just want to say to black women, do not waste your minds on trying to figure this out. I mean I am all for talking about it because sometimes to get past things we have to talk about it. But do not stress.

To the black men who have this mindset: Do you. Do what you believe because by black women getting upset, you are getting a little too much power in defining black women. I will never let a man who does not like me, define me. The same goes for a man that does like me. The day I do that, someone please slap me.

To white women: Hey enjoy your chocolate! I am sure it will be a great experience and thank you for being open minded.

To end this: Black women cannot change that they are black, so accept it and the right man will come. But for now enjoy a piece of chocolate.

Why is Bleaching so Popular?

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I just read an article that 1 in 3 South African women are bleaching their skin.

This breaks my heart immensely, especially since I am a chocolate skinned woman. Being this skin tone makes me proud. I believe my skin is beautiful and whether or not other people think that too…it is their business. 

I know that dark complexioned women are not favored in the media, but fuck the media!!! Seriously, I truly believe that women should not bleach their skin to conform to the media’s beauty standards. Being of African heritage is a beautiful thing, just like being of Asian or European heritage. 

Look, if a man does not want to be with you because your skin is too dark, he has the issue not you. As women we have to realize that every one of us are different and that not every body will not think we are attractive. I know that there are people out there that believe I am gorgeous and there are people out there that think I am unattractive, but that does not matter. I think that I am beautiful, despite the imperfections that I might complain about. 

Believing that you are beautiful is the key to not being in a shocking statistic such as 1 in 3 women in South Africa are bleaching their skin. This whole being lighter is a concept that has to die. I will start by starting with myself, I am from an African American mother and a Ghanian father. I am a beautiful dark skinned woman. I wish more dark skinned women believed this.

I really do wish I could speak to that 1 woman in that South African statistic and tell her she is beautiful and that her skin is included in that beauty. No I am not #TeamDarkSkin, I am am #TeamBlackisBeautiful. To those women who are bleaching their skin for society or men…..fuck society and men. Love yourself first and trust me the right man will come along. Because let us be truthful, society might not ever come around.

Anyway I love myself, so you should love yourself too.